Common Musical Terms
(As They Are Understood by Country & Western Musicians)

 

* 12 Tone Scale -- The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with

* A 440 -- The highway that runs around Nashville

* Aeolian Mode -- How you like Mama's cherry pie

* Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes"

* Arpeggio -- "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"

* Bach Chorale -- The place behind the barn where you keep the horses

* Bass -- The things you run around in softball

* Bassoon -- Typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when

* Big Band -- When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players

* Bossa Nova -- The car your foreman drives

* Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes

* Cello -- The proper way to answer the phone

* Clarinet -- Name for your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo

* Clef -- What you try never to fall off of

* Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off

* Conductor -- The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham

* Cut Time -- Parole

* Cymbal -- What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with

* Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels

* First Inversion -- Grandpa's battle group at Normandy

* French Horn -- Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 a.m.

* Major Scale -- What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain:

"Damn! That was a major scale!"

* Melodic Minor -- Loretta Lynn's singing dad

* Minor Third -- Your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal schooling

* Order of Sharps -- What a wimp gets at the bar

* Passing Tone -- Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues

* Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels

* Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved road

* Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle"

* Portamento -- A foreign country you've always wanted to see

* Quarter Tone -- What most standard pickups can haul

* Relative Major -- An uncle in the Marine Corps

* Relative Minor -- A girlfriend

* Repeat -- What you do until they just expel you

* Ritard -- There's one in every family

* Sonata -- What you get from a bad cold or hay fever

* Staccato -- How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home

* Tempo -- Good choice for a used car

* Time Signature -- What you need from your boss if you forget to clock in

* Transpositions -- Men who wear dresses

* Treble -- Women ain't nothin' but

* Tuba -- A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryl Cream!"

* Whole Note -- What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year