DON WREGE - ARCHIVE

Slaying Sir George

A squirt is a drip under pressure.

George Double-yew failed the ambush journalism test. Not because he didn't know names of leaders of foreign countries but how he took the hit. We expect a little grace under pressue from our world leaders. W. exhibited none. He got pissed. He got ruffled.

Sure it was ambush journalism. So what? Can we expect our world leaders to "be polite" when they negotiate? When world leaders ask a tough question do we want our president to respond, "...no I don't know, do you?" Such a childish response reveals a past of privilage and luxurious ignorance.

His ex-president father didn't shop at the market and knew not the price of a loaf of bread. The son doesn't read the New York Times and knows not of world leaders names. But W. signs autographs... he's a brand. Bush (tm). What do you expect? We're taught by mass media that brand is religion. We all need to believe in something. He'll be packaged and sold like the commodity he is. What he knows is so secondary...

George W. Bush might just be the first fast food president. He's the guy we can vote for without thinking about it. A name we recognize. Quality you can trust. More of the same. A marketer's dream. I'll have fries with that, please.

His father George Sr. always seemed a little uncomfortable in the spotlight. He was a behind-the-scenes guy who played the game the way the Big Boys wanted. Now his kid W. is out front acting like a drip under pressure. But a brand knows no shame. And a product is what it is.

I'm Not the President (But I Play One On TV)

You remember George Bush Sr.'s problems with "the vision thing."

Did you catch W. Bush's "vision" speech last week? (Standing behind what was a near dead-on reproduction of the actual royal blue presidential penis podium.) Winged by head-high teleprompter reflectors (just like the nominating convention dais), and his Governor's Seal tacked on looking enough like the Presidential Seal to make the point. George W. addressed the nation from a Hollywood set.

Remember Nixon's Seventies-era "I Am Not A Crook" speech? This was George W. Bush's "I Am Not An Idiot" speech. But how many more times can he use his fake president set before he starts to come across like a Saturday Night Live skit? "Hello, I'm the front runner and you're not."

This heavy handed hoopla was the crisis intervention plan W.'s people thought up to counteract the horrible televised amBush pop quiz that everyone agrees W. flunked. How did Bush's PR people plan to combat the public perception that W. might be a bit under prepared? Show him as just the opposite in a controlled setting. Oh, and make him look like he's already elected please.

More Seventies nostalgia: comedian Pat Paulson used to run for president every election as a gag. Nowadays it's hard to tell who's kidding and who's not. The fact that Warren Beatty was taken seriously for fifteen seconds is scary. Almost as scary as Donald Trump's hair.

Or as scary as Al Gore in an earth tone sweater trying to act relaxed or scary as George W. Bush standing behind a pretend podium trying to act stern. Is anyone buying this stuff?

You just watch. At some point, both guys will break rank (right on schedule) with the personas you now see. It will be announced by both sides that "the candidate has decided to be his own man!"

Al will be back in black and George will be doing shots, dancing naked and snorting coc... Make that: George will be kicking back in Levi's. Count on that in about five or six months from now.

Nowadays you can correct your vision in a couple of hours with a suction cup, a scalple and a laser. Our candidates have a bigger problem. It's "the image thing."

Will You Take This Woman...

All of the presidential candidates can take a lesson or two from Hillary Clinton. Her coy, come hither tease and final submission to candidacy (oh... since you just BEGGED me to run, how could I refuse?). Please.

So why Hillary and New York? Why is this working at all?

- She's already been president

Hillary probably ran the entire country for the past seven years while her husband ran around. (I certainly wouldn't accept a cigar from Bill Clinton, would you?). Hillary was always the brains of the operation and Bill was the flash. She's already been the de facto president of the United States, so what's New York to manage?

- She lies with ease

With a comfort that is at once reprehensible, yet at the same time truly fascinating, she passes off her killing in cattle futures as just so much beginners luck. Everyone knows she's lying, they just can't believe the skill with which she brings it off on national teevee. This is what passes for class these days and the Big Apple certainly demands and rewards class.

- She is pissed

Candidates should be pissed about something (usually it's a Cause). Hillary's cause is personal. She is pissed at the acting president. (Emphasis on "acting.")

Don't think for a moment that Hillary's upset, for example, that poor people don't have health care. That ploy was another classic Clinton backroom money deal that went sour. Bill Clinton screwed up HER legacy. (Emphasis on "screwed.")

A woman's wrath is not to be discounted and I think we may be witnessing Hillary write Act One of The First Divorce. Ms. Rodham is demonstrating that a candidate better have some experience, be able to be untruthful convincingly and be really angry about something.

The front and back runners would do well to watch how she plays the part so well.

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