The legendary American newspaperman and cynical curmudgeon,
H.L. Mencken wrote the following "translation" of the Declaration
of Independence as a two-edged commentary on the difficult 18th century
language in which it was written, and on the general ignorance the average
reader. It was first published in the Baltimore Evening Sun, Nov. 7,
1921, and was later reprinted in THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE. THIRD EDITION,
1923, pp. 398-402.
Henry Louis Mencken
1880 - 1956
In his preface he explained, "It must be obvious
that more than one section of the original is now quite unintelligible
to the average American of the sort using the Common Speech. What would
he make, for example, of such a sentence as this one: "He has called
together bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the
depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing
them into compliance with his measures"? Or of this: "He has refused
for a long time, after such dissolution, to cause others to be elected,
whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned
to the people at large for their exercise." Such Johnsonian periods
are quite beyond his comprehension, and no doubt the fact is at least
partly to blame for the neglect upon which the Declaration has fallen
in recent years.
When, during the Wilson-Palmer saturnalia of oppressions
[1918-1920], specialists in liberty began protesting that the Declaration
plainly gave the people the right to alter the government under which
they lived and even to abolish it altogether, they encountered the utmost
incredulity. On more than one occasion, in fact, such an exegete was
tarred and feathered by shocked members of the American Legion, even
after the Declaration had been read to them. What ailed them was simply
that they could not understand its Eighteenth Century English.' This
jocosity was denounced as seditious by various patriotic Americans,
and in England it was accepted gravely and deplored sadly as a specimen
of current Standard American."
The Declaration of Independence in American
by H.L. Mencken
WHEN THINGS get so balled up that the people
of a country got to cut loose from some other country, and go it on
their own hook, without asking no permission from nobody, excepting
maybe God Almighty, then they ought to let everybody know why they done
it, so that everybody can see they are not trying to put nothing over
on nobody.
All we got to say on this proposition
is this: first, me and you is as good as anybody else, and maybe a damn
sight better; second, nobody ain't got no right to take away none of
our rights; third, every man has got a right to live, to come and go
as he pleases, and to have a good time whichever way he likes, so long
as he don't interfere with nobody else. That any government that don't
give a man them rights ain't worth a damn; also, people ought to choose
the kind of government they want themselves, and nobody else ought to
have no say in the matter. That whenever any government don't do this,
then the people have got a right to give it the bum's rush and put in
one that will take care of their interests. Of course, that don't mean
having a revolution every day like them South American yellow-bellies,
or every time some jobholder goes to work and does something he ain't
got no business to do. It is better to stand a little graft, etc., than
to have revolutions all the time, like them coons, and any man that
wasn't a anarchist or one of them I.W.W.'s would say the same. But when
things get so bad that a man ain't hardly got no rights at all no more,
but you might almost call him a slave, then everybody ought to get together
and throw the grafters out, and put in new ones who won't carry on so
high and steal so much, and then watch them. This is the proposition
the people of these Colonies is up against, and they have got tired
of it, and won't stand it no more. The administration of the present
King, George III, has been rotten from the start, and when anybody kicked
about it he always tried to get away with it by strong-arm work. Here
is some of the rough stuff he has pulled:
He vetoed bills in the Legislature that
everybody was in favor of, and hardly nobody was against.
He wouldn't allow no law to be passed
without it was first put up to him, and then he stuck it in his pocket
and let on he forgot about it, and didn't pay no attention to no kicks.
When people went to work and gone to him
and asked him to put through a law about this or that, he give them
their choice: either they had to shut down the Legislature and let him
pass it all by himself, or they couldn't have it at all.
He made the Legislature meet at one-horse
tank-towns, so that hardly nobody could get there and most of the leaders
would stay home and let him go to work and do things like he wanted.
He give the Legislature the air, and sent
the members home every time they stood up to him and give him a call-down
or bawled him out.
When a Legislature was busted up he wouldn't
allow no new one to be elected, so that there wasn't nobody left to
run things, but anybody could walk in and do whatever they pleased.
He tried to scare people outen moving into
these States, and made it so hard for a wop or one of these here kikes
to get his papers that he would rather stay home and not try it, and
then, when he come in, he wouldn't let him have no land, and so he either
went home again or never come.
He monkeyed with the courts, and didn't
hire enough judges to do the work, and so a person had to wait so long
for his case to come up that he got sick of waiting, and went home,
and so never got what was coming to him.
He got the judges under his thumb by turning
them out when they done anything he didn't like, or by holding up their
salaries, so that they had to knuckle down or not get no money.
He made a lot of new jobs, and give them
to loafers that nobody knowed nothing about, and the poor people had
to pay the bill, whether they could or not.
Without no war going on, he kept an army
loafing around the country, no matter how much people kicked about it.
He let the army run things to suit theirself
and never paid no attention whatsoever to nobody which didn't wear no
uniform.
He let grafters run loose, from God knows
where, and give them the say in everything, and let them put over such
things as the following:
Making poor people board and lodge a lot
of soldiers they ain't got no use for, and don't want to see loafing
around.
When the soldiers kill a man, framing
it up so that they would get off.
Interfering with business.
Making us pay taxes without asking us whether
we thought the things we had to pay taxes for was something that was
worth paying taxes for or not.
When a man was arrested and asked for a
jury trial, not letting him have no jury trial.
Chasing men out of the country, without
being guilty of nothing, and trying them somewheres else for what they
done here.
In countries that border on us, he put
in bum governments, and then tried to spread them out, so that by and
by they would take in this country too, or make our own government as
bum as they was.
He never paid no attention whatever to
the Constitution, but he went to work and repealed laws that everybody
was satisfied with and hardly nobody was against, and tried to fix the
government so that he could do whatever he pleased.
He busted up the Legislatures and let on
he could do all the work better by himself.
Now he washes his hands of us and even
goes to work and declares war on us, so we don't owe him nothing, and
whatever authority he ever had he ain't got no more.
He has burned down towns, shot down people
like dogs, and raised hell against us out on the ocean.
He hired whole regiments of Dutch, etc.,
to fight us, and told them they could have anything they wanted if they
could take it away from us, and sicked these Dutch, etc., on us.
He grabbed our own people when he found
them in ships on the ocean, and shoved guns into their hands, and made
them fight against us, no matter how much they didn't want to.
He stirred up the Indians, and give them
arms and ammunition, and told them to go to it, and they have killed
men, women and children, and don't care which.
Every time he has went to work and pulled
any of these things, we have went to work and put in a kick, but every
time we have went to work and put in a kick he has went to work and
did it again. When a man keeps on handing out such rough stuff all the
time, all you can say is that he ain't got no class and ain't fitten
to have no authority over people who have got any rights, and he ought
to be kicked out.
When we complained to the English we didn't
get no more satisfaction. Almost every day we give them plenty of warning
that the politicians over there was doing things to us that they didn't
have no right to do. We kept on reminding them who we was, and what
we was doing here, and how we come to come here. We asked them to get
us a square deal, and told them that if this thing kept on we'd have
to do something about it and maybe they wouldn't like it. But the more
we talked, the more they didn't pay no attention to us. Therefore, if
they ain't for us they must be agin us, and we are ready to give them
the fight of their lives, or to shake hands when it is over.
Therefore be it resolved, That we, the
representatives of the people of the United States of America, in Congress
assembled, hereby declare as follows: That the United States, which
was the United Colonies in former times, is now a free country, and
ought to be; that we have throwed out the English King and don't want
to have nothing to do with him no more, and are not taking no more English
orders no more; and that, being as we are now a free country, we can
do anything that free countries can do, especially declare war, make
peace, sign treaties, go into business, etc. And we swear on the Bible
on this proposition, one and all, and agree to stick to it no matter
what happens, whether we win or we lose, and whether we get away with
it or get the worst of it, no matter whether we lose all our property
by it or even get hung for it.
For a few more words of wisdom form H.L. Mencken, click
the picture.
